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RELATIONSHIPS AND HEARTBREAKS

In the last bulletin I asked a question, “why are you in that relationship?” Here I explained that the first step to a wrong relationship is not knowing why you are in the relationship or not being able to define in clear terms individual roles and prospects in the relationship.
Today I promised to write on relationships and heart breaks- why do hearts break and is there anything like a perfect relationship? Those two questions will be the topic for today but first, answer the question before you read on… thank you.
I am one of the few folks that still believe in getting a partner from God no matter how archaic that idea sounds but I am equally in support of those who use their intuition to secure a partner. Both could work or fail which depend on what the parties involved do. In a relationship, there is the God part and there is the Man’s part. God will not do your duty. Even if God chooses a person for you, you still have the responsibility to work the relationship through. A God supported relationship will only work out when you play your part in the relationship- when you sustain and maintain that relationship with the necessary ingredients that makes relationship work. God will provide the food but you have to cook the food and again you don’t beg God to put the cooked food in your mouth- wisdom in Relationship is important. For all relationships to stand out, work through, and grace beautifully, it must be built on the foundations of understanding and communication, covered with blocks of tolerance and unselfishness, floored with tiles of love and forgiveness and lastly, roofed with Aluminums of openness.
Understanding and communication is simply knowing your partner beyond  his/her appearance, speaking his/her love languages which are (1) Act of service (2) Giving gift (3) words of affirmation (4) quality time (5) physical touch- depending on his/her topmost priorities- first must come first. The strong blocks of tolerance will help weather the storms of life together, I mean together. God designed relationship is not immune to storms of life but the joy is building your relationship with persistent tolerance will help you going when the going gets tough.
Someone said, “You can give without loving but you cannot love without giving.” Unselfishness on one hand projects openness, sacrifice and deeper commitment- noting that every gift is not gold and every love is not death. Love is facing challenges, overcoming obstacles, fighting to be together, holding-on and not letting go. Love is for the right reasons and not the wrongs ones. Cheating starts when partners keep secrets, while openness begins when secrets are revealed- which builds a healthy and faith-filled relationship. Openness plants love and reaps trust. Forgiveness turns a sinner to saint and makes going forward faster.
Now, why do hearts break? The truth is hearts are meant to be broken? Pardon me. Hearts break when people don’t find partners but rather persons. Also, when partners don’t do things in unison. Relationship is about two, together … agreement to walking together in life, or can two walk together except they agree? Also when partners dwell on fairy tales and wants. Most break-ups occur because people exchange 80% of their needs in a Partner for a 20% want in a Person like, she is more gorgeous than my…, he is tall, dark and more cute than my… so partners should not give-away that precious needs for that unstable wants because only your needs will make you survive in life boats. You can only geta that upmost 80% from your Partner and not that person.
And then, is there a perfect relationship? Big NO.  A Perfect relationship can only exist when we have two perfect beings doing perfect things, at perfect times, perfectly together. Complicated? Yes. If that is achievable, a perfect relationship is possible. Note that you can only get at most 80% of your needs from your partner and so, no matter how stimulating the 20% is, they are the forbidden fruits you must not fall for because the day you fall for it, you kill your relationship. Henceforth, find a PARTNER and not a person.

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